“You chose the olive, but I chose the pepper too!”
—— I whispered this to myself, again and again.
I was eating the olives that I bought from the market before the holiday. I love the picante (spicy) ones. While I was eating them, I suddenly had many thoughts. Yeah, some people like to eat the olives, while I like to eat the peppers too. I finally found the answer to many things that have been occupying my little brain.
This blog is about people taking different paths and how life turns out to be, surprisingly or unsurprisingly. I’ll discuss this background into several small “chapters”, all the questions I have been thinking about in the past three months or even longer.
True love? Getting married after one year of dating
In November, I happened to know that my ex-boyfriend got married, someone I had dated for years (5+2). We had chats in between after the break-up, and that’s how I gauged that he got married to someone he dated just for a year. To be honest, I wasn’t sad but surprised. While we were dating, he always said that he had no clear plan for his future, he needed to develop his career, and he didn’t really need marriage. He even refused to make a communication plan before our long-distance relationship started. That’s why I was shocked. People change so quickly, and that made me question “true love?”
“How come we can be together for so long?”
“We like each other a lot. I think this is the primary reason. And the others, yeah, we have a lot of differences, we …..”
Luckily, my current boyfriend gave a straightforward reply to my stupid question.
Career Choices? Different paths led by intentions
Every January, I sneakily go through recent updates of my previous colleagues/labmates in the academia field, such as their CV, Google Scholar, GitHub, position and publications, etc. Yeah, I wanted to prove that I had made the right decision. By all means, I always feel so, and I always feel proud that I walked out of the lifestyle I didn’t want for the rest of my life, and I could still keep “doing research” as my hobbies, protect my curiosity in the world and people, as well as see the new me repeatedly.
But, besides this year, because I don’t care anymore.
This is my 5th year after quitting my PhD program in the US, back in 2021. I realised that I was extremely depressed on January 7th 2021, as I started to make my suicide plan unconsciously. After my “doze-off”, I tried to find the hotline for depression and suicide prevention in the US. I cried to the point of exhaustion while trying to dial that number. At that moment, I decided to take some actions, like dialling the number, but also something else, like therapy. Four months later, I talked to my supervisor, who is one of the best mentors I’ve ever met. She suggested that I take a break and see how things go. I started my break in August 2021, and then I decided not to return in late January 2022. I was supposed to have a year to make a decision, but for various reasons, I was forced to make this decision half a year earlier. Back then, I was sort of pissed off. But now, I am glad that I made the decision earlier. In February 2022, I returned to my psychotherapist career and gradually turned it into a part-time to full-time remote working lifestyle. I have travelled to many places in Latin America. Two years ago, I decided to take duo career path - psychotherapist and language teaching - to get more balance in my therapist work. I finished my CELTA training, and I started to work online and entered the Spanish public school program held by the Ministry of Education, Spain. Five years later, I returned to Europe, the starting point of my “living abroad” life. Now, I am in my second year in Spain.
As you can see, “January” tends to be my crazy big changes month. Yup, even earlier than that - My birthday is at the beginning of January, and it had been a final exam date in China, from primary school to master’s students.
January has always been a tough month for me before this year. I am glad that I finally like this month. This year, I “took advantage” of the Three Kings Holiday in Spain, on January 6th, while they send over gifts in the evening of January 5th. I am very grateful that I found a new definition of my birthday, and I created a new memory for this. That’s why I cried like a baby while I blew out the candles this year. Like my friend Teresa said to me, “Querida Jieyin. Tú eres un regalo. Feliz cumpleaños.”
